Gordon Brown - "Do the decent thing"

Dear Mr Brown

Thank you for trying to serve your country, I think you would be the first to agree however that your recent attempts have fallen somewhat short of the minimum standard required for a competent Prime minister. In the circumstances I think that the best action would be for you to "do the decent thing" and call a general election. I know this must come as a blow to you but there is really no point hanging on as there is no prospect of an early recovery. Why don't you just settle down to concoct your autobiography in a quiet spot in your home town, a change of scene would certainly do you good as I have to say you have been looking a little worn of late.

I strongly believe this is the right thing for you to do.

Yours Sincerely

Mrs Smallprint

And the undersigned

John M Ward http://wwwjohn-m-ward.blogspot.com/

GORDY SAVES THE WORLD

Many a slip 'tween cup and lip - so now we know that Gordon Brown really does believe he's saved the WORLD.

Delusional or what?

SPORTS PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR

I can't understand why Gordy the super hero is not on the list for sports personality of the year. Without doubt he has provided more sport than all the other politicians put together this year. Bloglanders should be grateful to him for providing inspiration when all other topics fail. 'Gold for Gordy' that's my motto (whoops - I forgot he sold most of our gold at knock down prices). Any suggestions?

GORDY AND HIS MAGIC COAT OF INVISIBILITY

Has anyone else noticed that Gordon Brown seems to have reverted to type?

Throughout the Damian Green affair he seems to have donned his "magic coat of invisibility" of which he has been so fond in the past. They say old habits die hard, just as we thought he had turned himself into a world wide super hero he has reverted to leading from the back, which just goes to prove you can't teach an old dog new tricks (sorry Charlie I couldn't resist it).

GORDIE GORDIE PUDDING AND PIE

A poem penned by my Mother for the delight of other Bloglanders.

Gordie, Gordie pudding and pie,
Blocked his ears and closed one eye,
The only leak he wants to see,
Is when he has to have a pee.

GORDY AND EYEBROW MAN IN "TERRORIST CRACKDOWN"

Eyebrow man's brow is furrowed, making him look like he's wearing a giant black Caterpillar on his face.

"Are you sure about this Gordy? I don't think Meddlesome will like it, not really very subtle is it?"

Gordy clunks his fist and lets fly with his sporran at Eyebrow man shaving a little more off his baldy bit.

"What's the use of being a world wide super hero if you can't use your super powers to zap the dastardly Con's?

Eyebrow man knows better than to argue with Gordy and just stands dejectedly in the corner waiting for the sky to fall on his head.

Will anyone own up to authorising arresting politicians in Blogland? Will Eyebrow man escape from under the sky?

STOP PRESS - PRUDENCE SIGHTED IN AUSTRALIA

Reports are coming in that Prudence has been sighted in Australia, when interviewed by our correspondent she claimed that "Gordy buried me so deep I just popped out the other side" . Now unbelievable as this may seem it's about as likely as the dynamic duo's so called fiscal stimulus having any effect on the recession at all.

Now I know why Darling looked as though he was about to have a nervous breakdown yesterday when posing for the cameras with the dreaded tome in his hand. How long will it be before he resigns to spend more time with his family?

EU - IRISH NO VOTE

So Ireland have tried to save us from the EU at the last minute. The only country to be given a vote has voted no, it sounds as if Gordon Brown will still press ahead with our own ratification of the treaty. Why? Because he knows that the EU will have a work round to allow them to ignore Ireland just like they ignored France and Holland.

Welcome to our lives as humble citizens of the EU super state, no say in our own affairs, a pretend parliament with pretend consultation of member states. I used to think we should remain in the EU now I believe the only way is OUT.

p.s. Doubtless Gordon will tell us he continues with the ratification because "it's the right thing to do". huh!

GORDON BROWN'S EURO FUTURE

The year is 2020.

David puts down his papers and sighs, why oh why didn't I bite the bullet and tackle the problem in 2009. He glances at his screen, the news in on, pictures of Euro cops dragging protesters into vans flash up. Christ what a mess. Little Englanders want England back and the trouble is getting out is much harder than getting in. Damn Gordon Brown for his lies, at least he's stuck back in Scotland struggling with the same riots and with even less prospect of banishing the Eurocrats.

The question is sanction the plan, allow the army to take out the Eurocops and risk an all ports blockade by the Euro army or allow English protesters to be dragged off to jail in Brussels. Not much of a choice really but then we never really thought it would come to this.


FAR FETCHED, AN EXAGGERATION, MAYBE BUT I BELIEVE THIS IS THE COURSE GORDON BROWN HAS SET US ON. I truly hope that David Cameron won't duck the issue when he wins the next election.

RESULTS OF PARISH POLLS ON THE EU REFERENDUM

This week sees the start of the Parliamentary debate on the EU reform treaty, it seems that Gordon Brown is going to try and divide the Conservatives to distract attention from his own perfidy.

Even the Labour dominated foreign affairs committee has accused ministers of deliberately playing down the consequences of the treaty. Their report concludes there is no difference between the foreign policy provisions in the rejected European constitution and those in the new EU Reform Treaty (Sunday Telegraph). The I Want A Referendum campaign are planning to poll half a million people in marginal constituencies, the results will make interesting reading.

CHARLIE DOG TO STAND FOR PRIME MINISTER

Charlie dog has today announced that he is prepared to take on the role of Prime Minister after successfully recruiting a suitable double.

GORDON WANTS YOUR BODY

Not content with running every aspect of our lives Gordon Brown believes the state should control our death as well. We should not have to opt out of the organ donor register, our bodies belong to us not the state. If the state believes it is desirable to increase the number of individuals who are prepared to donate their organs then they must persuade them that it is the right thing to do.

A BILLION - THE SCALE OF THE THING

We hear the word billion mentioned casually by politicians every day, but how often do we really stop to think about what it actually means?

Here are a few pointers.

1 Billion = 1,000,000,000
1 Billion seconds is about 31years.
1 Billion minutes ago the roman empire was in full swing, about 1900 years.
1 Billion hours ago humans were living in the stone age, about 114,000 years.
1 Billion days ago, Australopithecus an ape-like creature related to an ancestor of modern humans, roamed the African savannas, about 2.7 million years.
1 Billion months ago dinosaurs roamed the earth, about 82 millions years.
1 Billion years ago the first multi cellular organisms formed on the earth.

Okay so you've got the idea that a billion is a big number.

So here are a couple more numbers to chew on.

Northern Rock loan guarantees so far 25 to 100 billion or 25,000,000,000 to 100,000,000,000.

The EU budget for 2007 is €115 billion or 115,000,000,000 euros.
The UK contribution to the above is 8.3 billion or 8,294,200,000 euros.

So as usual New Labour is doing a grand job of spending our money, these are some very impressive numbers Gordon.