ONE FOR CHARLIE

Charlie has been complaining of insufficient Poodle content in Blogland, so just for him I thought I'd post the following video. It just shows you it's not always the heavyweight who wins but the one who wants to win the most.

ID CARDS AND BANK CONTROL

Now the Government has the banks in its grasp I wonder how long it will be before the so-called voluntary ID card become a necessity for opening/operating an account?

I don't think I would get even money with any bookmaker in the land.

BBC IPLAYER - THE HEAVING CHEST EPISODE

No replay available yet of the heaving chest episode of Andrew Marr...........

Just found this on you tube.



See what I mean?

ANDREW MARR'S SUNDAY

Andrew Marr is wearing a horrible tie this morning (no change there then) and it looks like Ken Clarke is wearing something he found under a hedge (never trust a man who wears suede shoes). Carole Vordeman has dressed down (enough said).

Lots of amazing escape stories from the terrorist attacks in India (Gordon take note these are real terrorists) thankfully the death toll has gone down from last nights estimate of 300.

Sir Gulam Noon has called for a ten year ban on immigration he believes that we should properly absorb the people here before we let in any more.

Reverend Jesse Jackson talks of the journey African Americans have undertaken to get to the election of Barrack Obama. He is hoping that Barrack will bring new impetus to American foreign policy.

Ken Clarke says telling Banks to lend money is a waste of time and believes that the banking system will need further support. Its possible we will need more nationalisation. He is comparing the Damian Green case to Nixon's America (he is outraged at police behaviour).

Jacqui Smith is talking about what lessons need to be learnt from the Indian terrorist attacks (judging on the Government's previous record on lessons I'm not hopeful). Andrew Marr is talking about I.D. cards and this has put up her respiration rate considerably (draw your own conclusions). Now to Damian Green (chest now heaving) she says she knew of the leak enquiry but claims to have had no idea that a Conservative MP was also being investigated (do we believe her Bloglanders) this is asking us to swallow that you could investigate Bill but not Ben.

Andrew Marr tried to get her to admit whether or not she had signed an order for the bugging of Damian Green's phone (needless to say she wriggled out of it) but she did admit that if such an order was sought she would have been required to sign it.

JACKBOOTS AND GORDY IN "IT WAS THE PLODS WOT DUN IT"

Jackboots is stomping up and down her heels clicking on Gordy's study floor.

"It's no good we're damned if we knew and damned if we didn't, those pesky plods why couldn't they just investigate and ruffle a few feathers instead of going off at the deep end?"

Gordy can bearly contain himself, can nobody get anything right? Meddlesome had assured him that all they had to say was they didn't know, then they could let Marty take the blame. Huh, rubbish or what?

Will Jackboots lose her sole?
Will Marty claim his taxi to the Plod Station on expenses?

Tune in next time dear Bloglanders.

GINGER AND MEDDLESOME IN "GIGGLES IN THE CORNER"

"Tee hee, I wish I'd been there to see his face, just a shame I couldn't persuade them to break his door down" squeaked Ginger with his hand over his mouth.

Meddlesome is doubled over in the corner squealing with glee, "that'll teach him to mess with Gordy and his super powers, one quick cast of his special terrorist catching net and he's toast. Yippee".

Is there any escape for the MP or have the spin masters trapped him in there evil net until the next general election?

We'll have to wait and see dear Bloglanders.

GORDY AND EYEBROW MAN IN "TERRORIST CRACKDOWN"

Eyebrow man's brow is furrowed, making him look like he's wearing a giant black Caterpillar on his face.

"Are you sure about this Gordy? I don't think Meddlesome will like it, not really very subtle is it?"

Gordy clunks his fist and lets fly with his sporran at Eyebrow man shaving a little more off his baldy bit.

"What's the use of being a world wide super hero if you can't use your super powers to zap the dastardly Con's?

Eyebrow man knows better than to argue with Gordy and just stands dejectedly in the corner waiting for the sky to fall on his head.

Will anyone own up to authorising arresting politicians in Blogland? Will Eyebrow man escape from under the sky?

BLUES AND TWOS PRACTICE

Whilst driving back to the office with Mr S. today we were pulled over by a police car with all lights flashing, this surprised us somewhat as we were doing the correct speed and generally behaving ourselves. Mr S. got out of the car and the nice policeman explained they were just practicing as the other officer was undergoing training. Well that's alright then!!!!!!

GORDY AND EYEBROW MAN IN "THE GREAT VAT SWINDLE"

Your really couldn't make it up, Eyebrow man says to Gordy "how are we going to fool them this time". Gordy says "I've got one of my special sooper dooper underhand plans, but don't tell Meddlesome cos' he's bound get in a spin about it. What we'll do is pretend to give everyone a Christmas present and then later we'll steal it back with some extra besides and hope nobody spots it".

Now Eyebrow man is worried by the whole stealing thing (because he has the remnants of his vestigial conscience still lurking) so he sneaks to Meddlesome and the plan gets vetoed. However as with everything that the Nulab merry men do there is a cock up at the last minute and the dastardly plot is uncovered by the bloglanders for the whole world to see.

Do they all live happily ever after?

Find out next time dear bloggers.

STOP PRESS - PRUDENCE SIGHTED IN AUSTRALIA

Reports are coming in that Prudence has been sighted in Australia, when interviewed by our correspondent she claimed that "Gordy buried me so deep I just popped out the other side" . Now unbelievable as this may seem it's about as likely as the dynamic duo's so called fiscal stimulus having any effect on the recession at all.

Now I know why Darling looked as though he was about to have a nervous breakdown yesterday when posing for the cameras with the dreaded tome in his hand. How long will it be before he resigns to spend more time with his family?

VAT CUT - SMOKE AND MIRRORS

After a wander round the blogs, business forums and newspapers, the general consensus seems to be scepticism on the beneficial effects of cutting VAT to 15%. Apart from the risk of many retailers not passing it on (or was that the real agenda - typical Gordon move - pretend to do one thing whilst really doing something else - journo's are so easy to fool - basic rate tax cut/abolition of 10p band - I rest my case), it will cause havoc with many websites which are less easy to amend than traditional accounting systems - never mind the complexity for those (and there are many) who still keep manual books and are on cash accounting (I won't go into detail but believe me they won't enjoy Christmas).

If he really intended to help those small businesses at the bottom of the chain he should have hiked the VAT threshold on turnover at which a business must start charging VAT to customers to at least 100k. Small businesses need a fair chance to get going before being hit by the complexities of VAT.

Some interesting points on this issue on Mark Wadworth's blog.

http://markwadsworth.blogspot.com/2008/11/hoist-by-their-own-petard.html

LET THE PEOPLE DANCE SAYS MANDLESON

So Peter Mandelson thinks it's important to let 'the people' dance in these times of economic meltdown. Whoopee!

Unfortunately the wickedly high live entertainment licences and the OTT 'elf and safety' rules are strangling most such lighthearted pursuits at birth. Government and local authority interference in our lives is a Juggernaut out of control, more rules, more reg's than you can shake a stick at - we are all criminals now, no good and bad, just shades of grey.

Charlie practicing for 'Strictly'